Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
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The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM VODKA MAN
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
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