i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
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Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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