Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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