Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
The uberlube is also flammable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize