just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
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i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
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I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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