he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Come share oat with me in your robe
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
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