I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
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Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
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We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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