Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize