I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize