just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
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There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
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I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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