brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
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Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
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It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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