you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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