i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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