I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
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Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
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And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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