There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Still dying that you shit outside
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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