god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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