hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize