SEEEEXXX PLEASE
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
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She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
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I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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