Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
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I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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