Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize