ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His hands were made for my vagina.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize