do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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