so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize