Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
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We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
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You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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