I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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