I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
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Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
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how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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