U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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