Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
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I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
be right there i have to get my cape
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
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Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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