You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
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Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
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Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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