Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
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You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
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ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
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