She is in my trunk
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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