Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
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Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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