May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
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I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
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She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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