Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize