you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize