Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize