I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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