During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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