Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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