my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize