would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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