like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
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when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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