Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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