So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize