I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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