peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
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I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
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Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
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