Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
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He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
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So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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