college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
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complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
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I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
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