those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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