Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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